Relapse

I felt like I was getting back on track. Progress was good. I had been going to the gym at least four times a week, consecutively for the past few weeks. I was making an effort to be a bit more sociable. Well, that only happened in the very beginning. I was trying to be less angry and more conscious. I was actively seeking help. Learning about my condition. Trying.

Yesterday I started to feel low. It’s because I’m completely demotivated with university, and I’ve wasted all my energy trying to get other people in my group to meet up and take initiative.

This morning my body refused to get out of bed. Even when I took an extra two hours to rise out of bed, I still had a huge sense of lethargy weighing over me. Eventually when I woke up, my tummy had a sharp pain, and I thought food would give me the strength I needed to see through the start, but I still felt weak.

After breakfast, I faffed around for a couple of hours and was half an hour late to my doctor’s appointment. Before that, I called up my counsellor, crying and helpless. I lacked control over my emotions. The rest of the day I just sat in front of the library computer, thinking that being around people in silence, is better than being on my own, even if I had done nothing all day, it was better than just being in bed I suppose.

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